


We Care

by fallendestiel



Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Depression, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Other, Panic Attacks, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-18 04:00:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29111946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fallendestiel/pseuds/fallendestiel
Summary: TRIGGER WARNING: Self-harm, depression, anxiety, panic attackMammon and Lucifer catch you "coping" in a way they would've never thought you would've.
Relationships: Asmodeus & Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Asmodeus (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!) & Reader, Asmodeus (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Reader, Asmodeus/Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Beelzebub (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!) & Reader, Beelzebub (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Reader, Beelzebub/Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Belphegor & Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Belphegor (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!) & Reader, Belphegor (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Reader, Belphegor/Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Leviathan & Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Leviathan (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Reader, Lucifer & Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Lucifer (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!) & Reader, Lucifer (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Reader, Main Character & Mammon (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Main Character & Satan (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Main Character/Satan (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Mammon (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!) & Reader, Mammon (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Reader, Satan (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!) & Reader
Comments: 15
Kudos: 246





	We Care

**Author's Note:**

> I cannot stress this enough: PLEASE do not read if you are sensitive to self harm or panic attacks, or if you think you will be triggered at all. This is a very dark fic. I am not trying to romanticize any of the issues I have written about, this is merely a coping piece for me, and I want it to help others as well. This is also a reflection of how I felt/feel sometimes, I realize not all panic attacks are the same. Again, please don't read this if you believe you'll be triggered. Sending much love to all of you. 
> 
> National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:  
> 800-273-8255
> 
> Self-harm text line:  
> Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a Crisis Counselor

You knew you shouldn’t be doing it. You knew it wasn’t helpful. You knew it had become an unhealthy crutch that you continued to rely on. But it was so incredibly hard to stop yourself. The pain felt good when you were anxious and wanted to rip off your own skin, or when you were depressed and just wanted to feel anything. 

So that’s why you found yourself perched on the edge of your bed once again, wielding a pair of scissors that were pressed firmly to your wrist, making mark after mark. It was getting hard to fit everything on one arm. Angry red cuts looked back up at you as you created new friends for them. 

Today, you felt like your skin was crawling. You wanted to pull at it until it came off just to get rid of the horrible feeling. Maybe if you cut open your skin, some of the anxiety would leak out. Maybe. 

You were so absorbed in what you were doing that you didn’t hear the sound of the doorknob turning and the squeak of the door opening.

“Hey Y/N, do ya wanna--what the hell?!” You definitely heard Mammon yelling, and you saw him running to you, but you were absolutely paralyzed. 

‘I thought I locked the door, how could I have forgotten to lock the door?! Why is he here right now of all times?! Why did it have to be right now?! Holy shit what am I going to _do_?!’ Your thoughts were racing a thousand miles a minute, even though it was not evident on the outside. 

Mammon was scared. Scared to touch you, scared to look at you, scared of what you were doing. What were you doing? He didn’t want to look, it hurt too much. He swallowed dryly. “Y/N...” was all he could manage to get out. 

Your door was still ajar, and it just so happened that Lucifer had heard the commotion while he was heading to his room. He peered in and saw Mammon kneeled down next to you and you staring blankly at the floor. And then he saw the blood all over your arm. He clenched his jaw. At first, he thought that someone had harmed you and he was seeing red. But as he ran into your room, he saw you clutching a pair of scissors that had just happened to go missing from his desk a month prior. 

You were completely aware of what was happening around you, but the familiar panic had started to set in. ‘I can’t have a panic attack right _now_!!! That’s just going to make everything _worse_!!!’ You had started holding your breath, hoping it might stave off the panic for a while longer. 

Lucifer knew first and foremost, he had to get the blade out of your hand. You were grasping the scissors so hard that your palm was now weeping blood. He reached out and pried open your fingers, trying his best not to hurt you, but you were trying desperately not to let go, so he did have to become forceful. Once he had successfully removed the scissors from your grasp, he looked to Mammon, who was still in a frenzy. 

“Mammon,” he said firmly, trying to keep his composure for the sake of his brother and you. The second born snapped his head to his older brother, eyes watery. “I’m going to go get some medical supplies. Stay here and keep an eye on them.” Mammon shakily nodded. He was terrified. You hadn’t moved, you hadn’t even reacted to either of the brothers entering the room. He watched Lucifer stride quickly out of the room.

You had forgotten that you were holding your breath, and finally your lungs had had enough. You started gulping in air, gasping frantically, unable to calm yourself. Mammon startled at the sound.

“Y/N, what’s wrong?!” There were tears falling out of your eyes now, and you bit so hard into your lip that you started to taste metal. You were breathing extremely erratically, your thoughts rushing into your head, your body still paralyzed. ‘You idiot! Open your mouth and tell him you’re okay! Stop letting him worry about you! Move! Say something!!!’ Mammon grabbed your shoulders, staring you in the face and trying to figure out how to help you. He could feel you practically vibrating in his grasp. You finally willed yourself to move your hand and open it, palm up. It wasn’t much, but it was something. He noticed the sudden movement and looked down at your hand, then back up to your face. The expression you wore was still blank. He grabbed your now open hand and squeezed.

“C-come on, Y/N. Say somethin’. I’m right here ready to listen to whatever c-comes outta yer mouth, I just n-need you to say _somethin’_!” He watched the blood seeping from where you were biting your lip. “Dammit Lucifer, hurry up!!!” he shouted. He had absolutely no idea what to do for you, so he just clung to your hand.

Beel had been on his way back to his room from the kitchen when he smelled it. It was faint, but it was undeniably the scent of human blood. Then, he heard Mammon yelling from the direction of your room. He hurriedly made his way towards the yelling, paralyzed in the doorway from what he saw. Mammon was knelt in beside you, grasping onto your hand, his head bowed. Your arm was coated in blood, your face expressionless, your breath labored. 

Once the others had heard Mammon shout, they were quick to try to figure out what was happening. They figured that he and Lucifer were probably arguing, which was something they didn’t want to miss. Soon, everyone in the House of Lamentation was crowded in the hall next to your room, stricken with the same fear Mammon was. 

‘Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck, everyone’s staring, everyone knows now, shit shit shit, they’re all gonna hate me. I’ve ruined everyone’s night with my stupidity...’ 

“Mammon, a-are they o-okay?” Levi stammered from the doorway. Mammon didn’t lift his head, just shook it in its bowed position. Lucifer pushed past his brothers, returning with bandages, human-safe antiseptic, two washcloths. 

“They’re obviously extremely overwhelmed. I’m closing the door,” Lucifer stated. You heard protests, but no one moved to stop him. 

It had said on your exchange student form that you were prone to anxiety and depression, but Lucifer had never seen any signs of that from you, so he hadn’t worried about it too much. He had read up a little about both disorders in the event that he would need to deal with either during your stay, and he was thanking himself now. He positioned himself in between your knees, first moving to tend to the blood that was leaking from your lip. 

“Y/N,” he spoke slowly and quietly, trying to not aggravate your panicked state, “I am going to wipe the blood from your lip now.” He pulled off his gloves and picked up the washcloth he had brought. The room was quiet, apart from the occasional sniffle from Mammon, who was still clutching onto your hand for dear life. Lucifer gently grabbed the back of your head to steady it and gingerly wiped at your chin. The touch of the washcloth finally roused you from your frozen state. It was rough and warm. It felt real. You drew in a quick and shaky breath, practically collapsing in on yourself, body racked with sobs. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry!” you cried, pulling your hands to your face. You just wanted to disappear. No one was ever supposed to see you like this. The point of “coping” this way was that no one had to see it. 

Lucifer watched your shivering form and placed a hand on your back, gently scratching in circles. “Y/N, we need to clean all of this blood off of you before something can get infected. Can you please sit up?” His voice was calm, as was his expression, but he was internally a bit freaked out. This wasn’t something he really knew how to deal with, though he wasn’t sure that anyone in the Devildom was equipped to deal with what was sitting in front of him. He looked to Mammon.

“Mammon. Sit behind them please.” The least his younger brother could do was hold you so that he could clean your wounds. Mammon was quick to climb onto your bed and pull you into his lap, holding you up while Lucifer tended to all of the blood on you. Mammon still had a tight grip on your hand. “Y/N, can you take some deep breaths? You’re going to faint at this rate if you keep breathing like that,” Lucifer murmured. You didn’t react at first, so he gently lifted your chin and looked into your eyes. “Y/N. Breathe with me.” You watched his shoulders rise slowly and steadily. 

You mimicked the motion as best you could. Mammon followed suit, thinking if he breathed with you as well you may have an easier time. He could feel you still shaking, even in his grasp. For once, he had nothing to say. He couldn’t believe what he had seen. Why would you be doing this to yourself? How did none of them pick up on it? Sure, you were quiet and withdrawn, but that’s just how he thought you were. He would’ve never suspected what was going on behind your door.

Lucifer was now tending to your arm, frowning as he wiped away the blood to reveal raised pink, purple, and cream lines underneath. He saw Mammon eying your arm, his face overcome with horror and grief. Lucifer met his eyes, and the two shared a concerned look. Mammon buried his face in the crook of your neck and squeezed you a little tighter. Lucifer ran his thumb lightly over your arm, his composure wavering for a split second before he continued with the task at hand. The silence in the room was deafening. 

You refused to look at either of them. You felt so guilty. You had never wanted them to see what they had seen. You feared they would be disgusted with you. Your eyes stayed glued to your lap, and you focused on breathing and trying not to fall apart. 

Once he had cleaned the blood from your arm, Lucifer moved to grab the antiseptic he had brought and the clean washcloth. He put some of the medicine on the cloth and held your arm in his free hand. You winced as the antiseptic touched your fresh wounds. Lucifer mumbled an apology and proceeded. As he made his way up your arm, he pushed up your sleeve a little more. To his dismay, he found even more marks. 

“...Y/N...” he sighed, but he wasn’t sure what to say. You weren’t sure what to say either. Tears quietly fell off of your face. The tone of his voice hurt you immensely. You felt like you had disappointed him somehow; you weren’t the perfect exchange student he was hoping for. 

“...I’m sorry, this is pitiful. You guys were never supposed to find out about this.” Lucifer’s grip on your arm tightened, his jaw clenching. Mammon pulled his face away from your neck. 

“Well, I’m sure glad we did! What’re ya thinkin’, Y/N?! Why wouldya ever do this to yerself?” Mammon finally found himself able to speak. You tensed in his arms, startling at the sudden increase in volume in the room. Lucifer shot Mammon a look as if to say, “lower your voice”. 

You weren’t sure if you should tell them why you did this. You weren’t exactly sure yourself why you did it, you just knew that it helped. Eventually, Lucifer’s gentle gaze coaxed you to speak.

“Uhm...sometimes, I can’t stand being in my own skin...the pain helps with that...and sometimes...I don’t really feel anything...so it’s nice to feel pain, since I can control that...” You looked down, completely and utterly embarrassed that you had just confessed this to them. Lucifer froze, unsure of how to respond. 

“Well shit, Y/N, ya can’t keep doin’ this to yerself. What if you accidentally died?!” The idea of never being able to see you again scared the hell out of Mammon. “What would we do without ya?” His tone became softer. 

“I don’t know, I’m sure you’d all get over it pretty quickly,” you said quietly. Lucifer clutched your arm tighter, looking up at you.

“I can assure you, we would not ‘get over it’, Y/N.” There was a fire in Lucifer’s eyes. How could you possibly think that any of them wouldn’t care if you were dead? The idea of you thinking like that angered him.

“Yeah, Y/N, yer my human, I can’t let ya die. I won’t let ya,” Mammon said. You let out a small sigh and looked away from them once more.

Lucifer retrieved the roll of gauze he had brought and slowly wrapped your arm. You watched the white bandages covering up the years of scars on your arm. Once it was finished, you smiled weakly.

“Thank you, I’m fine now, you guys can go.” You felt Mammon’s grip on you tighten.

“Nu-uh! There ain’t no way I’m leavin’ yer side for at least the next month, human!” You chuckled softly at his comment. Lucifer placed a hand on your knee.

“I need you to promise me to tell someone the next time you are thinking about doing this. We cannot let this behavior continue.” You swallowed hard. You didn’t want to bother anyone else with your problems. It was so much easier to just rely on what you had been relying on. “Y/N.” Lucifer looked at you, waiting for you to respond. 

“...okay,” you sighed. He didn’t trust you, but decided to not press the issue for now. You looked absolutely exhausted. He cleared his throat a bit.

“You know, we all do care about your well being,” he said shyly, avoiding your gaze. You let out a little laugh, not looking at him. Lucifer frowned. “It wasn’t a joke, Y/N.” He opened the door, and the rest of the brothers came rushing into your room. They had been waiting outside your door with baited breath, and were relieved when it finally opened.

“Oh, Y/N darling, what happened?! Are you alright?!” Asmodeus cried and threw his arms around you. You flinched a little, but then reciprocated the hug, smiling softly. 

“I’m okay, Asmo.” You really didn’t feel like talking about anything that had just occurred, at least not right now. 

“Oh honey, you can bet we’re doubling our self care days for the next few weeks~. I am absolutely going to pamper you.” He gave you a little squeeze before pulling away. 

Beel approached you next. “I’m glad you are okay, Y/N. Can I give you a hug?” You smiled at the gentle giant and nodded, opening your arms. He captured you (and Mammon, who was still holding onto you from behind) in his embrace and squeezed a little tighter than usual.

“Oi, Beel! Careful, I’m here too!!” Mammon yelled. He didn’t release his grip on you, however. Belphie was standing behind Beel, clutching a pillow. 

“...I brought you this, if you wanted to sleep with it for tonight,” he said quietly. You gladly accepted the offer. “You know you’re always welcome to nap with me, if you want.” His smile was small, but there nonetheless. 

“Thank you, Belphie.” Levi was the next to approach, playing with his hands anxiously. 

“When you’re up for it, we can watch ‘(favorite anime)’, even though it’s kind of a normie thing to like...” He was still acting like the same old Levi, but you could sense the relief in his voice. He reached out and patted your head awkwardly, blushing and retreating away from the bed. 

Satan was the last to come to you. “I brought you this book, I think you’ll like it. It seems like your style. I can read to you, if you’d like. I know you like when I do that, even if you do fall asleep most of the time.” he said. You smiled and felt tears pricking at the corners of your eyes. ‘Has everyone really been waiting outside this whole time? And they’re all being so incredibly kind...’ You felt some tears cascading down your face once more, but for a better reason this time. Everyone tensed up.

“Y/N, honey? What’s the matter?” Asmo asked gently. You smiled.

“...thank...thank you all for caring so much...” 

_A few hours later..._

Your eyes fluttered open in the semi darkness of your room. You glanced around, surprised at what you saw. Mammon was still behind you, clutching onto your waist, as he had been all night. He was keeping good on his statement that he wasn’t going to let you go. Asmo’s arms were wrapped around your hips, his head snuggled into your stomach. Belphie and Beel were both curled up next to Mammon. Levi was on the rug in the middle of the room, clutching a portable gaming system. Satan was sitting in the armchair at the foot of your bed, leaning on his arm and holding the book he had brought for you. And Lucifer was on the side of your bed sitting in your desk chair, one of his arms folded on the bed under his head, the other holding your hand. Your heart swelled. They really did care. You squeezed Lucifer’s hand a little, closing your eyes once more. He stirred a little, pressing a kiss to your knuckles before drifting back to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Please stay safe, everyone, and reach out to someone if you need help. <3


End file.
